As far as it is possible...

I listen to a lot of sermon podcasts. Part of the reason for that is I love learning and part of it is that I need a lot of help in the area of transformation. But two of the hazards of listening to a lot of sermons are:

1. There’s the temptation to critique a message in terms of how effectively I think it was communicated instead of actually, you know, well…listening for God’s word to me.
2. Even if I’m not critiquing, it’s a lot easier to think of all the other people who should hear the message (“ooh…_____ should really hear this!”) because they need it, rather than doing the hard work of applying it to my own life.

No one else does this when they listen to sermons, do they?

A couple weeks ago I listened to a message by someone who I greatly respect. I’ve watched him grow and develop as a leader and an authentic, super-effective teacher. I think he’s terrific and I’ve written notes to affirm his gifts.

The main text that he was preaching on was “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

A great text. An important text. A relevant text for all of us!

But as I listened to the message, I succumbed to hazard #1 and tried to resist hazard #2.

I’ll explain. I was dismayed because the first and primary example the pastor used of not living at peace was far right crazy conservative Christians crashing the funerals of gay men with signs decrying their lifestyle. Now my guess is that 99.9% of the people listening to that message thought two things:

1. That is HORRIBLE! The Christian position on the gay lifestyle is brutal, homophobic, mean, intolerant and wrong!
2. That is not me! I’m off the hook! I’m fine with thinking about all those other people who hate gays and aren’t living at peace.

I struggled with this on both points. I thought with this particular illustration (which was horrible) the pastor reinforced an extreme, negative stereotype and missed an opportunity to hold up a positive example of a “third way” of loving authentically, but not equating love with condoning a lifestyle.

And second, in using this particular illustration, he made it easy for listeners to avoid dealing with the lack of peace in our own home, neighborhood, church…

So anyway…that was my critique, but then I started reflecting… I didn’t want to let myself off the hook. I felt prompted to think back over the relationships I’ve had over our past 23 years here in Minneapolis – ones where I had been hurt, ones where there were misunderstandings, ones where others had been hurt, situations where difficult circumstances led to a break in relationship. I listed names that fit in any of these categories and asked myself, “Are there any names on this list where you haven’t done everything possible to bring peace and reconciliation?”

“Is there anything you still need to ask forgiveness for?”

I don’t want to be done with this too quickly so I’m sitting with it before God and I’ve also shown it to John to ask his thoughts, but it struck me that there were 3 different types of situations with the people listed.

1. Both of us in the relationship have done what we can (I think), but because we don’t live in the same area any more so it’s hard to rebuild a true relationship.
2. I’ve done what I can, but my overtures have been rejected (These are the hardest ones. It’s hard to accept that you can’t MAKE someone forgive you and you can’t make them like you. One person can forgive. It takes two for reconciliation.)
3. There has been reconciliation, but for whatever reason one of us has withdrawn from further interaction, either because it doesn’t feel healthy or safe, or the relationship is not of value.

But is there a 4^th category where something has gone unaddressed? As I think about each of these people, I ask myself, “Would they say we are at peace with each other? If not, Lord, is there something I haven’t said or done that I need to do or say?”

This isn’t a comfortable exercise, and it has made me grieve, but I think it’s an important one. I may not be a gay-bashing funeral crasher, but my heart (like all hearts) is deceitful above all things and in need of a thorough examination.